You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
