I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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