the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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