cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
