Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
