please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
