Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
please come you make the beer taste better
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i need some magic done to my vagina
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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