btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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