I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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