yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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