I'm drive I can fine osifer
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
