I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
People in love make me want to vomit
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
