like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
