He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My dick has a subreddit
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
