is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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