yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
someone owes me an orgasm
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
