he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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