dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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