i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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