Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
