My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
