You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
