i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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