What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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