Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
