We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
