i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
