He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
