I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
