Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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