Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
