R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
