he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
