Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
