There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
