...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
