Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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