based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
