somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
