Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she peed on how many people?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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