I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
