did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
