I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
