I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
