woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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