I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
