i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
