You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
