Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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