Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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