My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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