you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
