how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
dude. I can hear the air.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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