I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
